Little Evan

Well, I guess I should make a post about our new arrival. But first, I need to post about Halloween, which was the day before Evan, cause Ryan was hilarious. Bella was a cowgirl. It was the simplest thing I could come up with to do the day before I had a baby on no money!! We already had the adorable pink boots (thanks Sarah!), so I just put her in a levi skirt and a white shirt and I spent $.97 on a pink hankie to tie around her neck. Ryan, on the other hand, made me trek around to 5 different stores and spent more money than we have, which happens to be none, but still! And I had to slave over it for like 2 hours. But it was hilarious. And he wore it to the ward party, work, and on Halloween night to take Bella trick-or-treating. He was Super Mario, you know from the old school Nintendo. He had overalls and a red shirt. We found some battery powered lights that I sewed to the overalls so that he could turn them on and off and have star power. We fixed up David's U of U hat with a felt "M". Ryan downloaded the Mario soundtrack off of Itunes and we went and found a portable speaker so he could keep it in his pocket and play the Mario music. He even had the star power music for when he flashed his lights! It was pretty funny and it got him all excited for a few days. So I let him go to town with it because well, frankly, we could use something to get excited about around here!
So, moving on, Evan Scott Jubber was born on November 1 at 5:28 pm. I decided to go with the VBAC and 3 weeks later, I'm still so glad I did. I've been able to do so much more and I feel almost all recovered. And it only took 6 hours from start to finish. Not too shabby. I had all this anxiety about the delivery, which is why I almost opted for another c/s, but it turns out it just wasn't that bad. I guess I could do it a few more times!! Anyway, he weighed 8 lbs 13 oz. In the hospital, they said he was 23 in, but when we took him to the doctor a few days later, he was barely 21 in, so I think they goofed up a little bit. But he's a big healthy boy!

Because of the H1N1 thing, no children under 14 are allowed in the hospital, so I didn't get to see Bella for 2 1/2 days. That was really sad. But she also didn't get to come see Evan, so we just showed up at home one day with a baby! That makes it really hard. But she's been pretty good overall. She never hated him, just acted out a little over the split attention. She loves to hold him and give him kisses. She ALWAYS wants to kiss him. It's almost past cute and getting to annoying!! :) No, I'm glad she likes him. She's very soft and gentle with him and loves to rub his head. I'm so relieved because I was having nightmares that she accidently killed him. I know, it's morbid, but I was scared about how she was going to treat him. But, 3 weeks later, he's still alive and well and Bella seems to have adjusted pretty well to the new addition. My only other source of crazy is the nursing issue. Most of you know that I didn't make it very far with Bella because she refused to eat off of me! It made me an emotional mess and finally, after 4 weeks, I just gave up. I'm finding myself in the same spot again. I didn't know what is wrong with me, but my kids don't like me :) It's been a horrible roller coaster. Evan has done better than Bella did, but I find that I really just hate it. I don't know how women do this. So, Ryan said that he was deciding for me that it was making me a bad mother and wife and that I was not allowed to breastfeed anymore! :) Okay, really he'd support me in whatever, but he's right. I have chewed all my fingers and the inside of my mouth to pieces because I just sit and gnaw on myself every time he nurses. I can't get him to latch on right and it makes it a very unpleasant experience. I even went to a lactation specialist and she wasn't really that helpful. She told me to just keep trying, and here, 2 weeks later, he's still a nursing failure. There is something wrong with me. So I have spent the last 3 weeks sobbing and being frustrated and driving my husband crazy, and as of yesterday afternoon, I am weening him to bottles. I again become a mothering failure and have to try to make up for it somewhere else! I'm slowly coming to terms with it again...

So, that's life around here. We're a little tired and broken down, but things are getting better. I remember the relief I felt after going to bottles with Bella. I felt like the whole world was lifted off my shoulders, so hopefully I'll start to feel better soon. Oh, and I have a terrible cold that I picked up a few days ago, so that's not helping anything either. I hope that goes away soon, too!